Mayonnaise Makes the Salad Creamy

The geniuses at Jell-O thought of everything.  Seriously, I’m pretty sure the last thing you think to suspend in Jell-O is lima beans and they came up with that one.  In the “Crown Jewel Dessert” recipe you actually suspend cubes of Jell-O in more Jell-O. Man, that's so meta…

In The Joys of Jell-O, one of my favorite 
vintage cookbooks, there are lots of recipes 
with mainstay ingredients like pineapple tidbits 
and miniature marshmallows.  But if you’re 
going to devote an entire cookbook to 
Jell-O, you need to get creative. Here’s a 
list of tasty ingredients spotted in various 
recipes:

¾ cup Post Grape Nuts cereal
¾ cup finely cut cooked prunes
1 bottle (7 oz.) cola beverage
1 avocado
Marshmallow-Mayonnaise Topping
Horseradish
Shredded Cabbage
Tabasco Sauce
¼ cup chopped dill pickle
1 ½ cups chopped spinach
Barbecue Cubes
¾ cup drained sliced pickled beets
pickled herring
1 can (1lb.) whole kernel corn
2 bouillon cubes

I wish I wrote this cookbook.  Then, not only could I have developed and eaten a bunch of Jell-O concoctions, I could’ve written descriptions like this:

The fruits for this dazzler are available any season of the year. (Orange and Grape Duo)

This tasty salad is a lovely luncheon entrée with cold cuts and hot muffins. (Waldorf Mold)

A tart mold of grapefruit perks up the most humdrum lunch or dinner. (Grapefruit Salad)

The sunshine of the West is reflected in this delightful salad creation. (California Fruit Salad)

This tasty salad is economical in cost, but there’s no shortage of flavor. (Penny-Wise Salad)

An easy way to glamorize inexpensive canned pear halves. (Cardinal Pear Mold)

A colorful jewel of a salad that will crown your meal regally. (Cauliflower Radish Salad)

A charming finale to a meal. (Apricot Bavarian Cream) 

I think my lifelong wish to come up with paint color names is eclipsed by my desire to title Jell-O mold recipes.  Here are some of my favorites from The Joys of Jell-O:

Creamy Freeze

Ice Cream Party Dessert

Cherry Cheese Charmer

Ring-Around-the-Fruit

Ring-Around-the-Tuna

Fruited Perfection

Three-Fruit Fantasy

Under the Sea Salad

Hawaiian Eyeful

Supper Salad

Also, if anyone needs to name a cat, there is:

Orange Frost

Ribbon Loaf

Cooky Stacks

Frosty Melon

Everyone, I present to you my cat, Cooky Stacks:

 The Joys of Jell-O, indeed!

Necktie Mother-lode: a necktie upcycling tutorial

Not only did the Salvation Army in Menomonee Falls have a jam-packed, 4-sided, multi-tiered rack of neckties, there was an overflowing laundry basket full of ties on the floor next to it!

Sifting through the mass, I pulled out some real beauties…

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve been this excited since this Flying Club trophy entered my life:

Where have these neckties been? 1976 wedding? 1979 parent-teacher conferences? I’m guessing they haven’t been loved in a while so now it’s time for them to feel some love! (After I rip them apart, cut them up, and stab them repeatedly with my sewing machine needle, that is.)

Hello, little necktie wristlet carrying case thingy…here’s how you were born:

1. Cold wash, hang dry, and let ‘er rip!

2. Cut accordingly. To fit my iPhone, I cut the pouch piece 13.5”x8”. The strap is 13”x3” and the piece to attach the D-ring is 3”x3”. It takes a wide tie to accommodate these measurements.

3. Iron on some medium weight interfacing, pin and sew!

3 ½. Bonus tip! Sew a piece of ribbon or cord inside your strap to easily turn it inside-out. (this will save you 20 minutes and several swear words)

4. Press, pin and sew your little pouch together. When topstitching the edges of your strap, leave about an inch open at the triangular end so when you complete the strap loop you can fit the end neatly inside.

5. Attach your D-ring and strap and you’re almost there!

6. Add a snap in a snap!

7. Now you’re ready for a night out on the town spent effortlessly dangling this little beauty on your arm. Enjoy!

They Would Want Me to Have It, Right?

If you’ve never been to an estate sale, you haven’t fully lived. Why? Because an estate sale means you are walking around the home of someone who likely just died. All of their possessions are priced and laid out on tables, and a bunch of strangers are milling around touching everything. That’s weird. And I’m one of those strangers. A part of me feels like I should be somber and dressed in black when I go to these things, but honestly, I just want bargains on cool stuff. I justify it because I truly love the things I buy. Better those vintage Anchor Hocking glasses go home with me than to Goodwill. Who knows what unappreciative lout they’ll end up with there?

Sometimes it’s the family who runs the sale, and sometimes it’s a company. They’re called “estate liquidation companies.” Clinical and cold-sounding, I know. That’s why they have names like “Caring Transitions” and “As Time Goes By.” They are professionals at organizing, pricing, and executing the sale of stuff left behind when you are gone.

I think of these sales as antique stores without antique store prices. This equation usually holds up: Estate Sale=Old People=Cool Old Stuff

AND the last day is usually half-price. Heaven.

There is one estate sale company in Milwaukee that seems to have the corner on the market. They have a suspiciously large number of sales. They’re called “Prestige” and they’re hardly prestigious. I hate them. Here’s why:

1. They have an “estate sale with antique store prices” policy

2. They refuse to barter. Ever. I’ve tried.

3. They are always having a sale. Ratty orange signs advertising 60% off are an insult.

I avoid sales by this company now, but before I knew better, I would become so irate my blood would boil. Five dollars for this old cookbook?! Are you insane?? Oh, it’s 60% off? Well, in that case…Ugh!

For some unhealthy reason, and for which I am supremely embarrassed, I felt it my duty to steal from these people.

Everything about these sales seemed like a major injustice. I would show them. I would steal this Santa Claus-riding-a-bike-plastic-canvas-magnet and teach them a lesson!

And even now, I wonder if stealing this makes me a horrible person. I mean, can a horrible person even own a bike-riding-Santa-magnet? Is that possible? My brain tells me it’s wrong to steal, but that part of me that feels entitled to a bargain is powerful and it tells me that I’m right. And maybe, just maybe, the dead person who spent an hour of their life creating this Santa magnet would want me to have it.